Covid 19 , Have we learnt anything?

     The year 2019 is a year that will always remain a memory in my mind. As a matter of fact, it will be a memory on everyone's mind. A year full of heartache, mental health challenges, loss, grief, bankruptcy, abandonment and faith, just to name a few. For those of us that made it to 2022, this is a chance for new beginnings. This is a year to put our affairs in order, a year to stop procrastinating, a year to finally walk in our purpose.

Families were destroyed, legacies demolished, and life for some no longer made sense. For those of us that were not in a position like this, are we still going to live life recklessly? or are we going to prepare? One thing Covid 19 have shown us is that it is no respecter of a person, status, race, age or religion. We are so caught up in our own situations that we do not take the time to reach out to those in need. Are we that selfish?

Looking back at situations past and present, I have seen the good and bad of this pandemic, but I have also seen the good and bad of humankind. I have seen situations where food was prepared for the less fortunate, but those who did not need it partook. On the one hand, I saw finances made available to those that may have lost their jobs or businesses. But on the other hand, those who were financially stable accepted the finances and robbed others of a fresh start.

Let's put things in perspective. Many did not think they would ever be in the situation they are in today. Many others planned for situations like this. But how are we to move forward if we do not teach and help each other in moments of crisis? Are we to make a difference if we continue to be selfish instead of selfless? Let's make a difference. Let's learn from the past for a better future. 

My Honest Opinion

 Social media have become a weapon, platform or saviour. People have become so addicted that their daily lives revolve around TikTok, Instagram, Youtube, Twitter or whatever other social media sites there are out there. So much so that I am beginning to wonder, does anybody wear clothing anymore? No, like really, do they?

             Have you ever noticed the videos when going through Youtube shorts?  Most are usually women teaching you how to get a rich man, the 'buss it challenges', the 'bugs bunny challenge'. Other times of women just being naked or half-naked for no valid reason. Where are our morals and values heading? Where is the modesty?

             Do you remember the days where your mother would always make you wear a jacket or cardigan to cover yourself? What about if you were wearing a short skirt, you would always have to wear tights or, as the Americans would say, 'knickers' underneath? Why is it normalised to be naked? We say, "It is my body. I should wear what I want," but get offended when someone looks at you? Where is the logic? Is nothing private or sacred anymore?

             Now do not get me wrong. I am not bashing women, just stating my observations. Women complain a lot, the me-too movement, the feminists and the men bashers. Think of it, a man will be charged for indecent exposure if he walks out of his home with just his underwear. However, a woman can walk around with a see-through dress and call it fashion? are you kidding me? It is ok to feel up a male, comment on how good he looks in his pants, play with his hair, force yourself on him, but it's labelled as sexual assault or offensive when he does the same? How is that fair?

             Life is not fair, I know, but when will we take responsibility for our actions. We want to be treated equal, but only in some circumstances. We want to be like queens, but we treat others like servants. A question I heard I found very interesting. If you were a young lady/ man dating your son /daughter, would you be satisfied with what you got? Something to ponder upon. Thinking about the answer to that question, I guarantee a majority of you would say no. Let's do better. 

Let me know your take on this post.

Who are you allowing to speak into your life?

    Growing up, most of us were all groomed for three things:- 1. to get good grades, 2. to get good jobs and 3. to have good wives or husbands. Those were all that mattered. Here is the thing, our parents or the adults around us led us to believe that those are the most meaningful things in life. Those are the only things after God that we should all aim to achieve. Fast forward to this present day in my life. I struggled with number one. I am unsure with number two, and I am yet to see number three. Let's go back to the beginning.

    I was always the weird one, never interested in smoking or drinking, and crowds made me uncomfortable, so there was no partying either. However, I was the one who was more sensitive than others, would care more about others than myself and was the most obedient. I was also the one with the most insecurities and the lowest confidence. According to two teachers, I accidentally walked in on the day of the exam results. I was also the least likely to graduate. Keeping in mind, I was ten years old at that time. 

    Moving on to Junior high school, my insecurities grew larger. I was failing just as the teachers had said. I was least likely to graduate. Everything kept declining, and they were right. in senior high school, I failed every subject. I finished school at the age of fifteen (15) years old with nothing. I felt like a failure. I was a huge disappointment. The people I thought were my friends were now treating me like a disease. Here is where my story begins. I have learned, you have to be at your lowest to see where you need to be. Thankfully with the parents I have, they refused to allow my story to end at that point. My story, rewritten. I graduated, accomplishing number one.

    Eighteen years old now, eager to work and make my own money, I am hired to work on a farm. To me, this was the greatest thing ever. I could now start a path to do the things I wanted to do. I was now helping to pay bills. I was independent. Sadly, this was only temporary. 

    A year after, I interned at a Government institution. In the nine (9) months of my contract, I continued to improve myself. Approximately one (1) year after that internship, I started another project at another Government Institution. Here is where I remained. I pursued a Bachelor in Business Computing, completed some other courses while working. I got promoted and later pursued a Master's in Business Management. Through this period, I endured heartache, failures, exhaustion and disappointment. By the grace of God, I accomplished it and graduated. 

    Fast forward to 2021. I accomplished certificates in Introduction to Counselling, Advanced Counselling and a certificate in 'How To effectively lead change'. Who knows what I am to pursue later on. This story is not to boast but as a testimony to prove that God has a better plan even though others may condemn you. You may not have started out doing your best, but keep working, keep praying and keep practicing. 

Thinking Out Loud

We go about our daily lives, not caring about anything or anyone. We place emphasis only on the things that directly affect us, taking no concern or consideration for those around us. It’s only when there is a crisis, we seek to get help, but it’s too late, you have already pushed people away with your lack of humanity, your disgusting behaviour, and your unforgivable attitude. Why do we have to reach to crisis point to realise our bad ways?

These past few months have taught me about humanity, I am one who always looked out for others, but it made me more aware of those around me. It made me realise who I can depend on in times of crisis and who was just a prop or show, who really cared or who was just to deceive. It just goes to show, sometimes it takes a crisis for us to get out of places we should have never been, be it physical, spiritual, mental or emotional.

We depended on the wrong things, the job that you thought could not do without you, guess what, you can’t do anything right now. The people that you thought you could not go one day without seeing, guess what, your day continued. Now you are faced with a dilemma because the family members you pushed away for the job; are the ones you have to go back to at this time. Priorities are beginning to come to the forefront. The thought of losing everything makes you re-evaluate your life choices, doesn’t it? 

So where do we go from here? The earth is healing, nature is alive and bustling once more, can we take an example from nature and being to heal ourselves as well? Your children you neglected, now is that time to mend that relationship, give them hope. The spouse you mistreated and took for granted, the parent/s you shouted “I HATE YOU” to, now is your chance to apologise before it’s too late. And the God you said you don’t need, now is that time to build that relationship with. I am fixing me, are you fixing you?

Have You Ever?

Have you ever felt the touch of loneliness like a knife cutting through your veins? Or the pain of heartache like spikes dragging on the inside of your heart? With each breath you take, it feels like you are drowning in the atmosphere, overwhelmed with the struggle of breaking free. Each tear drop reminding you of the pain, each memory like a gun to the head. When will it end, when will you break free of the chains of these emotions.

For those of us that have gone through major heartbreak, it felt as though the days would not end, the emptiness became so acquainted with our bodies that we became unconscious to the real world. Oblivious to the fact that the world continued turning, while we were stuck in the fantasy of our essence.

Heartbreak ‘the emotions felt after the end of a romance, or grief or disappointment”. This should be for a period in our lives, why do we drag it longer than it should be. There is life after a bad breakup, there is life after a loss, there is life after some bad circumstances, and it’s up to you if you want to live that life or remain in the gutters of your sorrows.

Sometimes loneliness and heartbreak come along to make us stronger, but some of us, instead of taking it as a lesson and moving on, we regress and dig ourselves into a pit of depression and pity. I know it’s easier said than done, and I know that everyone heals differently, but remember one thing, never let the pain of heartache blind you from the pursuit of happiness. You may not see it now, but trust me, everyone has their breakthrough, and it’s up to you to decide how bad do you want it?

Chasing Pavements

As I look at him, I can see so much potential, so much life, so much joy, a diamond in the rough, but he can’t see that in himself, he continues to stumble back to the arms of the one who turned him, the one who destroyed his belief in love, the one who may very well end up being the death of him, why does he not comprehend this circumstance. Why does he not wake up from this nightmare that continues to plague his life, the nightmare that constantly robs him of his peace of mind?

I finally listened to the lyrics of the song he wanted me to listen to, it was Chasing Pavements by Adele, as the song played, my eyes were filled with tears, simply because I knew he already chose his path, but in my heart I knew he was chasing pavements.  So this leaves me with the same question, should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere in this friendship? Or should I just leave him to self-destruct?

Somehow I always find myself in these friendships, you know the kind where you put yourself on the line for a friend but end up being shredded to pieces in the end? And this is where reality hit me, the same way he kept going back to that person who is causing him pain, is the same way I keep drawing these type of friendship for myself.

So here is my stand, from this day forward I refuse to chase pavements, I refuse to open up my heart to the people that does not deserve it, I refuse to be taken advantage off and I refuse, I repeat I refuse to throw my pearls to swine, I know my worth. A friendship, whether casual or romantic should be a relationship where both parties are on common grounds, it should never be bartered or traded. So I refuse to chase pavements once again. I know I may sound selfish here, but think of it, when he keeps answering his past, where does that leave me? Exactly! Chasing pavements.

Temptation

The dictionary defines Temptation as “the act of tempting or the state of being tempted especially to evil”. We as human beings go through temptation of every form on a daily basis. Some of us control our temptations and some of us let our temptations control us. I find myself in the category of letting temptation control me. What I have learned so far is that, unless you make up your mind and really want to control your temptations, then it will continue to rule you.

As children of God we are supposed to be the rulers of the world, but why are we letting the pleasures of this earth rule us? Many Christians today have given temptation free liberty in their lives, and because of this we are seeing a lot of failed marriages, broken families and even loss of respect for our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. How many of us are guilty of the dangers of temptation.

What are we really doing? Where are we going? And most importantly who are we serving? Are we serving ourselves or are we serving Jesus? Now I know learning to control your temptation is no easy task, this I know from experience, but we serve a mighty God and if we just let him take control I think we can get through this.

Image taken from Google

What If

For years “what ifs” have been plaguing our very existence, and for years we have allowed our lives to be dominated by the affairs of our past. Do you ever just sit and think of the “what ifs” in your life? For example, what if you did not fall for that person, what would be your situation right now? Had you not followed that crowd where would you be? If the courage to speak up were within you, would that have made a difference? For most of us, if you had just listened, what would be your position at this exact moment? We all have questions like these running  through our minds ever so often, and sometimes it is frightening us more and more with every thought, simply because we knew the potential we had before getting involved with the wrong company or putting ourselves in the wrong situations.

Ask yourself this question, what good is it doing you dwelling on your past? For the past is gone and can never return, so why not look forward to the future? If you cannot see a bright future ahead of you, someone knows there is one for you. He allows you to wake up every morning to see new mercies; he protects you from that harm and danger that may be lurking around you. In addition, when you believe all hope is gone, he gives you another reason to thank him.

God is the author and finisher of your faith (Heb 12:2), and as long as you wake up every morning to see his glory, give him the praises that he deserves. Sometimes your situation may be a little overbearing, or so you may think, but your burdens are not yours to carry but his (Matt 11:28-30). Maybe just maybe, if you cry out to him and for once just ask for his help, just maybe your situation may change, you never know he may be calling you out of your situations, but you are the one just too stubborn to listen. As the saying goes “let go and let God” and start living your life the way you ought to.

Life

It’s amazing how much we let people get to us. It’s amazing how we allow situations to change our plans and purpose in life, and it’s amazing how easily we let ourselves get distracted from our paths.

Sometimes life can be so unfair, the ones who work the hardest, are often the ones who get looked over, while the one’s who do nothing always get their way, or so it seems.

Each day we go through trials and tribulations, but instead of relying on God, we rely on our own understanding, and this is how fear takes dominance in our lives, we suddenly become distracted. Why do we let ourselves be defeated like this?

We should never  sit and pretend that  we do not feel like giving up sometimes, and we should never pretend that everything is just fine. What we should say however, is that as long as I am allowed another day in God's presence, I will keep trying till I get it right.

Happy New Year

Ok so we are literally some hours away from the New Year, you look back and realized that this year has not been kind to you, ok sure there were a few ups and downs, but why let it deter you? As the saying goes "Don't be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality. If you can dream it, you can make it so." So what everything you planned for this year did not turn out as it should, you are alive, so that means you were given another opportunity to start afresh, or continue where you left off.

Every year we make resolutions, some of us the same ones, some of us different, and every year most of us fail by the first couple months, so why force yourself into a commitment, I mean if a relationship started off like this, how long do you think it would last? Relax, live your life and move to suit your occasion. Anything worth having is not easy, and anything that comes easy, is not always worth having.

So when the clock strikes 12 on Old Year's night and you realize that you have come to another year alone, don't feel bad, you are not alone, but that does not mean you have to give up. Or you still did not get that promotion you are counting for that you know you deserve, just wait, "God has perfect timing...Never early...never late...It takes a little patience...It takes a lot of faith" anonymous. Maybe you are looking forward to having a baby, but doctors have told you there is no hope, still thank God, because maybe, just maybe, there is a child out there who is waiting to love them in the way they need . Sometimes we are the ones who are keeping ourselves from moving forward because we are still in bondage of our past. Think about it. 

To everyone who has read this, I say Happy New Year to you, once you have breath, give God praise and never give up, you never know if your blessing could be right around the corner, the question is, how bad do you want it?

True Love, When Are You Coming?

Some people have been lucky to find true love in the right places and at the right times, some were even luckier to be with the person that they are in love with, but for those of us that are not so lucky, we are stuck to the bottom of the barrel, scraping our way through, till we find what we are looking for. Now hear me out, we all are searching for our own version of love, but what if we are looking in the wrong places. Why do we look at romantic movie or books for advice, and get disappointed when it does not turn right? Aren’t these things supposed to be a fantasy? Then why rely on them for help? Unless the book is the Bible, then that advice will not help.

Aren’t you sick and tired of answering questions about why are you still single and what went wrong? Sadly for some, these questions are from themselves. You smile the widest, but at nights, your tears tell the stories of your heartbreak best. The shadow of loneliness sneaks up and leaves you exposed to reality and you feel the emptiness of the whole world in the debts of your soul. It feels like happiness is missing you and hitting everyone else but still no matter how much you try to hold on it keeps slipping away from you.

Maybe true love is just a myth for some and a reality for others, but how would you know for sure when you don’t even know what you are looking for. You see your version of true love may be different from someone else but no one ever mentions this. No one ever takes the time to assess themselves and find out what is best for them, you have been so brainwashed by the follies of this world, that in the end you are more depressed or confused than when you first started. Love is complicated, but yet we all rush into it even though we don’t understand it, hence heartbreak. Maybe one day I would understand what true love really is, but for now, I am taking my time. Maybe it will hit me when I least expect it. Until then, I am enjoying life. :)

Where are you God?

I used to ask myself this question a lot, everything that did not go my way I would always question God, then I would wonder why am I being punished, but then I got to realise that I was the root of most of my problems, not anybody else, me.
We as humans always want things to go our way and we as humans always find ourselves in situations and expect God to save us, when we need to just be patient. So what if things aren’t going right or you are not in the position you should be in at the moment. Just be thankful that you are no longer in the situation you were once in before. Sometimes we find that things are moving to slow, so we try to make it go faster, thereby creating more problems for ourselves.
Listen, if you believe that God is bigger than any problem or situation, then let him do his work, did he ask for help when he was creating us, then why are you trying to do his work? Now I am not saying that we should just stop everything and wait, but continue with our daily lives. So you want a promotion, ok then continue working to the best of your ability, so what if it does not happen now, maybe you are not in the right place or you do not have the right qualifications. Then start preparing yourself, remember God never places you in a situation that you are not prepared for, he never gives us more than we can bear.
The same applies in our relationships, sometimes we pray that things get better, we pray for the right people to come into our lives, but when change does happen we question it. Whoever said life was easy is lying, nothing in life worth having is easy, it takes work, practise and commitment. So we need to ask ourselves one question, how much do I need or want it? and work towards that. Start changing your outlook on life and yourself, and maybe, just maybe your situation will get better.
 

Boy Bye!

As I sit here I can clearly see your face flashing before my eyes, the one that I want, the one that I desire but cannot have, still I keep holding on to a dream, a small glitter of hope, wishing, wanting and longing to hold you if just for a moment, but I can never reach you, I can never have you, why? why won’t you just stop for a brief moment and see what’s in front of you, instead you chase a dream of your own that can never be fulfilled, and I am always there to comfort you when things go down but yet still you will never see me as the way I want you to. 

 Every time I think of this situation, a surge of emotion passes through my body and the tears begin to flow, but I cannot confess this to no one else but myself... I constantly ask the Lord to take away these feelings that I have for you, but no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I try to hate you I always find myself falling back for you and in ways I myself can never understand. Why do you have this hold on me? What about you that I keep getting drawn to? Why are you the only one that is so hard to forget? I need to find a way to remove myself from you, to forget your face, to erase all memories of you but it’s so hard.

 Life is so funny, the moment I forget about you the moment that I move on will be the exact moment that you realise what you lost, but it will be too late. Because I will already have dealt with these emotions, I would have already forgotten the memories of you. I would already found the one that feels the same way for me as I do for them. So this is my goodbye to you, away from the pain and heartache that you bring, my goodbye away from the hurt that I endure wishing that you would see me instead of the beauties with no brains that you often run after, my goodbye from you to a place of peace and acceptance, my goodbye to you, and hello to a brand new beginning.

    

Dark Skinned Vs Light Skinned Saga

 All my life I have been discriminated against, either I was to skinny, to plain or to dark, well you know what I say, to hell with all of you who discriminated against me, the Lord has made me this way, and who am I to try and modify God's creation, at least I am being myself.

           The growing trend that is going on now has left me to wonders what the hell is going on in this world, the trend where unless you lighten your skin you are not beautiful. To all of you who think this way I call you IDIOTS and I do not apologise, who the hell are you to tell me I am not pretty enough, who are you to tell me dark skinned people are ugly, who are you to treat me like scum of the earth, who are you to force your preferences upon me?.

           For all my dark skinned people I say love yourself and be not ashamed of the colour of your skin, be not afraid to shine when the world see you as ugly, be not afraid to smile in the face of discrimination. God made each one with a purpose in life, he did not die for the light skinned or the dark skinned, the Whites, the Blacks the Chinese or anybody else he died for all of us, when you cut our skin you see the same colour blood, you see the same pink flesh, when we die, we either go to Heaven or Hell.

           To anyone who is reading this, I did not write this for fame or for your approval, I wrote this because it is hurting me to see us as a nation moving back to the slavery thinking and mentality, from my knowledge slavery was abolished between the year 1833 – 1981 all over the world and I am not going to sell myself short to anyone’s ignorance.

Skinny Biatch

For years I have been hearing people going on diets to be skinny, for years I have seen numerous amounts of weight loss ads that claim they are the best and for years I have seen people depressed trying to become something they are not meant to be, that is skinny. My question is why is it such a big deal to be skinny? I have been skinny for my whole life, and trust me, it’s not all glitz and glam, we skinny people feel depressed as well, well some of us. I blame fashion magazines and society for this.

I have spent the latter half of my youth trying to put on weight because I was told I was too skinny, which is kind of impossible since neither my mother nor my father is fat, so any chance for me gaining weight would have to be through child birth, and I am sorry to say, a child is a no no at the moment. The more I tried to gain weight, the more it would become a failed attempt and the more depressed I became. Instead of gaining weight I would lose, so imagine an even skinner me, my measurements already 34 (bust), 25 (waist) and (37) hips and weighing 119 lb.

Now I am not saying this to boast, but just to show that skinny people has some insecurities as well, but such is life, its either we accept our flaws or let our imperfections destroy us. Ok so you are fat, if you don’t like it then try being healthy and not skinny; let’s face it, not everyone was meant to be thin, but if everyone stopped trying to fit in just because it’s the “it” thing, then this problem will be a thing of the past. Admit it, the people that pressure you the most about your weight are the people with the worst problems.

Come on people, it’s time you start living for yourself and stop letting others dictate the pace of your journey. Be comfortable in your own skin, yes it’s easier said and done, but it’s worth a try, what do you have to lose? Stop letting society be the mold for your existence. Start living you own life